Feeling Helpless in Pregnancy

listeria pregnancy recall

Pregnancy is a tough transition from the normal every-day life you were once accustomed too. In the blink of an eye (or 2nd line on a positive test), you all of a sudden have to change the way you eat, drink and ultimately live life.  Don’t get me wrong, I know it’ll be worth it, but even when you try your damnedest to do everything right, you are still helpless to some external factors. The fact that there is so much you can’t control is very overwhelming; and, as much as your significant other might try to sympathize, they will not be able to empathize because they aren’t having to live the same reality as you.

My husband doesn’t have to swear off his occasional nightcap or having beers with the boys. He can go to a wedding or event and still imbibe, dance, and be merry, while I become this awkward tired shell of who I used to be, because it just isn’t as fun when everyone else around you has the energy to dance the night away, while you feel like you are 2 seconds away from falling asleep right in the middle of the chaos [translation: weddings are not as fun without booze. #truthbomb #sorryimnotsorry].

Growing a human is really hard, you guys.

Day-in and day-out, we try our best to make the healthiest decisions for ourselves and our baby. From unpasteurized cheeses, to deli meats, to frozen veggies, we are constantly learning about new foods that we shouldn’t eat during the 9 months we are pregnant.  I don’t know about you, but a good deli sandwich is my FAVORITE food on earth. Seriously. I miss a fresh deli sandwich so much. Some of my friends who are pregnancy veterans have told me that it’s okay to enjoy a deli sandwich from a reputable place, but I still find myself hesitant to give myself the go-ahead because the fear of listeria is so great.

Today I missed a phone call from a 1-800 number.  In listening to the voicemail, I came to learn that the granola I purchased recently has been recalled for a possible listeria contamination. I purchased this granola because I have an intense craving for sweets and I THOUGHT this would be a healthier option than downing pints of Ben & Jerry’s. Oh, the irony. I haven’t had any obvious symptoms of listeriosis, but I can’t help but wonder if any of my recent “pregnancy symptoms” might actually have been from eating the granola. I know the chances are low that I contracted the disease, but it’s hard not to feel incredibly overwhelmed by my total helplessness in it all.  Luckily, I have an appointment with my OB tomorrow, so I can discuss this recent learning with him and hopefully he will put my mind at ease, but for the rest of the night I will be sitting with my anxiety, praying that everything is okay.

So, I want to say to every pregnant woman out there: I empathize. I FEEL YOU. We are a vessel for a little miracle and it’s so cool, but it’s also so hard to get everything right.  And even when you do get it right, you don’t. I wish you all the healthiest of pregnancies and hope that you are able to lean on your spouse or friends when you feel that bearing the weight of it all is too much. At the very least, you can come here and vent to me and I promise I will listen. <3

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